Posted on March 24th, 2011
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Fantasys Escort Service.com:
THESE SCHEDULES UPDATE DAILY:
Week of March 1-6 2011:
Atlanta 4-6 with Kate & Tori
Lexington/Louisville: Kim, Veronica, Sheila. Haley, Tasha,
Nashville: Kate
Cookeville/Crossville TN: Kate & Teri.
Philadelphia PA: Tara.
Kansas City/ST Louis MO: Erika,
Wytheville/Blacksburg VA: Abby.
Frankfort KY: Diane. Kim, Tasha, Sheila.
Elizabethtown KY: Tasha. Kim, Sheila.
Paris/Cynthiana KY: Carmen.
Bowling Green KY: Devon, Erin. (Nashville Tour Girls also)
Columbia SC: Ally.
Asheville/Greensboro NC: Holly. Abby.
Houston/Dallas TX: Selena.
Ft Smith/Fayetteville AK: Erika, Victoria,
Birmingham AL: Kate,
Huntsville AL: Kate,
Chattanooga/Cleveland TN: Kate,
Indianapolis IN: Veronica, Jewel. Multi hour Adv Requests.
Evansville IN: Jaimie.
Dayton OH: Veronica, Jewel.
Columbus OH: Jewel, Veronica, Cameron .
Tri-Cities TN & S. Virginia: Abby.
Topeka KS: Victoria,
Little Rock AR: Victoria,
Cape Girardeau MO: Victoria,
Gallatin TN: Devon, Erin.
Jackson TN: Faith. Teri,
Topeka/Wichita KS/Oklahoma City OK: Erika, Victoria,
Clarksville TN: Michelle.
Phoenix AZ: Sara.
HEY, Think that we aren’t completely serious about
dominating OUR Areas? <–Two of 40 WORLD Directories…
Week of March 7-13:
Nashville Friday & Saturday 11 & 12 with Kim
Lexington/Louisville: Kim, Veronica, Sheila. Haley, Tasha,
Cookeville/Crossville TN: Kate & Teri.
Philadelphia PA: Tara.
Kansas City/ST Louis MO: Erika,
Wytheville/Blacksburg VA: Abby.
Frankfort KY: Diane. Kim, Tasha, Sheila.
Elizabethtown KY: Tasha. Kim, Sheila.
Paris/Cynthiana KY: Carmen.
Bowling Green KY: Devon, Erin. (Nashville Tour Girls also)
Columbia SC: Ally.
Asheville/Greensboro NC: Holly. Abby.
Houston/Dallas TX: Selena.
Ft Smith/Fayetteville AK: Erika, Victoria,
Birmingham AL: Kate,
Huntsville AL: Kate,
Chattanooga/Cleveland TN: Kate,
Indianapolis IN: Veronica, Jewel. Multi hour Adv Requests.
Evansville IN: Jaimie.
Dayton OH: Veronica, Jewel.
Columbus OH: Jewel, Veronica, Cameron .
Tri-Cities TN & S. Virginia: Abby.
Topeka KS: Victoria,
Little Rock AR: Victoria,
Cape Girardeau MO: Victoria,
Gallatin TN: Devon, Erin.
Jackson TN: Faith. Teri,
Topeka/Wichita KS/Oklahoma City OK: Erika, Victoria,
Clarksville TN: Michelle.
Phoenix AZ: Sara.
Week of March 14 -20:
(* Attention gents. Next Week is we when officially begin Fantasy escort referrals. Where we book appointments for you with local independents in all 50 States. THEY DO NOT REPRESENT FANTASYS, OR OUR GUARANTEES-STANDARDS OR PROCEDURES)
Nashville Wednesday 16: Kate
Nashville Thursday-Saturday:Brooke. Kate,
Lexington/Louisville: Kim, Sheila. Haley, Tasha,
Lexington Sunday: Erika, Sheila.
Cookeville/Crossville TN: Kate & Teri.
Philadelphia PA: Tara.
Tri-Cities TN & S. Virginia: Abby.
Kansas City/ST Louis MO: Erika,
Wytheville/Blacksburg VA: Abby.
Frankfort KY: Diane. Kim, Tasha, Sheila.
Elizabethtown KY: Tasha. Kim, Sheila.
Paris/Cynthiana KY: Carmen.
Bowling Green KY: Devon, Erin, Brooke.
Columbia SC: Ally.
Asheville/Greensboro NC: Holly. Abby.
Houston/Dallas TX: Selena.
Ft Smith/Fayetteville AK: Victoria,
Birmingham AL: Kate,
Huntsville AL: Kate,
Chattanooga/Cleveland TN: Kate,
Indianapolis IN: Veronica, Jewel. Multi hour Adv Requests.
Evansville IN: Jaimie.
Dayton OH: Jewel.
Columbus OH: Jewel, Cameron .
Topeka KS: Victoria,
Little Rock AR: Victoria,
Cape Girardeau MO: Victoria, Erika,
Gallatin TN: Devon, Erin.
Jackson TN: Faith. Teri,
Topeka/Wichita KS/Oklahoma City OK: Victoria, Erika,
Clarksville TN: Michelle.
Albuquerque NM: Sara.
Los Angeles CA: Tiffany
Week of March 21- 27th 2011:
(* Attention gents. This Week is we when officially begin Fantasy
escort referrals. Where we book appointments for you with local
independents in all 50 States.
THEY DO NOT REPRESENT FANTASYS, OR OUR GUARANTEES-STANDARDS OR PROCEDURES)
Nashville All Week! Brooke.
Philly Monday & Friday, Saturday: Tara.
Lexington/Louisville: Michelle. Haley, Tasha,
CLARKSVILLE TN: Heather.
Lebanon TN: Teri,
Gallatin TN: Devon, Erin.
Jackson TN: Faith. Teri,
DC/MD All Week: Kim.
Cookeville/Crossville TN: Kate & Teri.
Philadelphia PA: Tara.
Tri-Cities TN & S. Virginia: Abby.
Kansas City/ST Louis MO: Erika,
Wytheville/Blacksburg VA: Abby.
Frankfort KY: Diane. Tasha, Sheila.
Elizabethtown KY: Tasha. Sheila.
Paris/Cynthiana KY: Carmen.
Bowling Green KY: Devon, Erin, Brooke.
Columbia SC: Ally.
Asheville/Greensboro NC: Holly. Abby.
Houston/Dallas TX: Selena.
Ft Smith/Fayetteville AK: Victoria,
Birmingham AL: Kate,
Huntsville AL: Kate,
Chattanooga/Cleveland TN: Kate,
Indianapolis IN: Jewel. Multi hour Adv Requests.
Evansville IN: Jaimie.
Dayton OH: Jewel.
Columbus OH: Jewel, Cameron .
Topeka KS: Victoria,
Little Rock AR: Victoria,
Cape Girardeau MO: Victoria, Erika,
Topeka/Wichita KS/Oklahoma City OK: Victoria, Erika,
Albuquerque NM: Sara.
Los Angeles CA: Tiffany
Week of March 27-April 3 2011
Columbus OH: Monday; Kim.
Cincinnati OH: Tuesday 29: Kim.
Nashville All Week: Brooke & Kate.
Cookeville/Crossville/Lebanon TN: Kate & Teri.
Lexington/Louisville/Cincy: Kim, Haley, Sheila, maybe Erika, maybe Michelle.
Philadelphia PA: Tara.
Tri-Cities TN & S. Virginia: Abby.
Clarksville TN: Heather.
Dayton OH: Jewel.
Albuquerque NM: Sara.
Tri-Cities TN & S. Virginia: Abby.
Kansas City/ST Louis MO: Erika,
Wytheville/Blacksburg VA: Abby.
Frankfort KY: Diane. Sheila.
Elizabethtown KY: Kim. Haley, Sheila.
Paris/Cynthiana KY: Carmen.
Bowling Green KY: Devon, Erin, Brooke.
Columbia SC: Ally.
Asheville/Greensboro NC: Holly. Abby.
Houston/Dallas TX: Selena.
Ft Smith/Fayetteville AK: Victoria,
Birmingham/Huntsville AL: Kate,
Chattanooga/Cleveland TN: Kate,
Indianapolis IN: Jewel. Multi hour Adv Requests.
Evansville IN: Jaimie.
Topeka KS: Victoria,
Little Rock AR: Victoria,
Cape Girardeau MO: Victoria, Erika,
Topeka/Wichita KS/Oklahoma City OK: Victoria, Erika,
Los Angeles CA: Tiffany
Greenville SC-NEW GIRL NEXT WEEK.
http://FantasysEscortService.com
(Screening Is At The Reservation Request Form)
*03-18-11. Indi news: We started booking appointments for you guys with Independents this weekend- FantasyClientScreening.com is being exceptionally well received. Fantasy Escort Referrals (a little EARLIER than planned for a change!). Going well and so so and not as great as I had hoped but about what we expected…remember boys n girls, These Are NOT FANTASYS ESCORTS…ok? We’re well known for assisting others into the business but its kinda like that well known reality quote, “God opens doors for us-but He won’t shove you through them”….that’s funny as all hell. Here’s mine: “Pray for potatoes, But grab a hoe” lol.
I interviewed (FantasyEscortInterviews.com )is going to be the public website “escort directory” for this endeavor eventually) 7 independent escorts in a week to work with us and help me get the kinks out of the system that we’re planning. Hey, it’s free exposure/ money for these ladies. Jeezus. 7 babes, right?
7 good looking goddamn L-O-S-E-R-S. Jesuz. One of them even fell ASLEEP at the restaurant! “Pilled out”. I swear to God that she ALMOST fell into her plate. (really) I was horrified. lol. Then I wasn’t. This is what most of the industry is made up of unfortunately.
The Fantasy Interviews thing is something I dreamed up some years back as a bonus for premium hobbyists in the VIP Members area. Working on it boys. It’ll be full of women that we’re video interviewing by webcam and being added to their profiles. The other thing was for the REFERRAL business we’re setting up to assist our SCREENED guys in the members area and it’ll be nationwide. I’m excited. It’ll kill a lot of business for a lot of escorts truthfully (imagine some of the bad appts you’ve had BUT WOULDN’T HAVE if you’d seen or heard her on an interview) but it’ll make A LOT of business for many many more…..the Professional-INTELLIGENT ones that can actually hold a g.d. conversation. Jeez. I’m not “trying to be a hater” here everyone but holy shit already, believe it or not THE MAJORITY of these people are literally too stupid to wipe their asses without someone ENABLING them…
Here’s another in Atlanta. We spent nearly two weeks video conferencing (ahh, morning times only-should’ve been the give away) so I was reasonably certain that she was okay. I really liked her, personally. Good looking as hell too, thought I wouldn’t be able to ignore it (lol. BEST butt that I have EVER seen-bar none) right up until she started getting plastered over dinner. Apparently she’d had a few before she got there. Okay, I do understand-I promise. I can be intimidating sometimes to some people. Or off putting or something or other (can’t convince OUR people of that thankfully) but jeez oh pete lady, you’re 28 years old, how in the world did you miss the “hey “D”, I’ll text you later. I’m running to an AA meeting and I’m running behind..” OR, “yeah, she is missing from the website. Too bad too. I dug the shit out of her. Unfortunately she has a really serious drinking problem and I was forced to let her go because she wasn’t willing to address it and its interfering with work. That really sucks. A couple of the girls she’d met phoned her a couple of times and offered her their support and one even offered to take her to an AA meeting or go with her to a rehab and even offered to let her stay with her when she got out if she thought she’d need it.” She passed and so did I. So, after all of those things this idiot REALLY didn’t get how important WE take this stuff and showed up 3 sheets to the wind. L-O-S-E-R. Do you guys really tolerate that shit? I’m sorry for you if thats the norm. TIP: DON’T ENABLE MORONS! YOU are MAKING them Worse.
Another? Good looking local KY “club” girl heard in the grapevine what we have going on and fills out an app. Cool. We know people in common, etc, thinks she has me pegged or something. I try my best to read between the “review lines” before I follow up.
* I figured something new out about that review shit too after all of this. Lee and I have spoken about it before but haven’t put it into stone-Until Now. Escort Reviews are full of shit.… Huh? I’ll elaborate: For years I’ve pointed out that everything that you need to know about a girl is right there in plain view on her website. Pics are a dead giveaway usually….”about ME” (does she speak about herself in the third party), etc, its all right there. But what about the ones that ONLY have a pro website that Someone Else prepares for her, write ups and all? What about the ones with those zingy cool pro pictures? (OR-the ones that are 4 years and 15 lbs out of date). You Never Know what you’re going to get if they aren’t “real” pictures, you know? Because NO ONE looks like that in real life and personally, I’d be so g.d. disappointed that I’d feel ripped off. Personally.
See, These reviews are WRITTEN by guys in THEIR SOCIAL CLASS so they look like winners to everyone else if you don’t have the entire picture buddy. IF you’re biggest concern is “will she or won’t she” then YOU’RE a pretty pathetic fellow in serious need of another kind of professionals help and it ain’t between the sheets feller! I swear to God, I just can’t get past how retarded some of these idiots are. I cannot find an idiot desirable. It’s a waste of my time and damn sure a total waste of money UNLESS they are the total package. There are so many divergent beliefs and values in this world that escort reviews are an impossible way to define someone professionally. There. Its said and done.
FYI: In case you didn’t know it, whats so special about FANTASYS girls are they MUST live up to MY personal and professional ideas of what it means to be a professional private companion…THE TOTAL PACKAGE. I only have one here who isn’t…she’s popular because shes apparently great in the sack so its a convenience for you guys at best because I sure don’t volunteer the idiot (its not a secret). I wouldn’t bang her on a g.d. bet. I’d accidentally choke the living shit out of her dumb-”educated” ass. I can see it now: I’d reach for my zipper and my hands would take on a mind of their own, reach out and throttle the dumb out of her….ahh fantas(ies).
So here’s what happened with local stripper girl (hey, I Grew Up in a strip club) calls me to verify her application and we’re talking and here’s her come on. “Oh hey sexy Mike, I saw your picture at —— birthday party! You don’t look your age at all-you’re REALLY SEXY for your age (oh jeez thanks bitch that’ll make my d–k really hard). I’d do a guy like you for free, I bet you don’t have to pay for pu–y. (and it just keeps getting better lol) “Well, —- “have to” is a relative term and I’m not special. Convenience is” ….SORRY TO CUT YOU OFF BUT I GOTTA GO ON STAGE NOW. COME IN AND SPEND A BUNCH OF MONEY ON ME, I NEED TO PAY MY RENT. YOU’LL LOVE ME-I PROMISE. I AM SO FU–ING FINE AND MY PU–Y IS THE TIGHTEST. YOU WOULD NEVER EXPECT A GIRL THAT LOOKS LIKE ME TO SELL PU–Y. <–and thats how it went fellas. I love a professional. Jeez what a life I have to reflect on.
* Industry news: 40 targeted escort directories just re-released (Yeah no more experiments!) and climbing. Quickly. Thank my new assistant Randi for her dedication. And your future, uhmm, pleasures. We’re searching out new office space now. Yes, this IS going to be a full on-all out effort for the industry to notice. Highlights? Not today…..
Wondering why I’m speaking so harshly/openly/candidly after all of these years aren’t you? The reasons I’ve been pushing so hard for everything this year is because I AM Officially Retiring Next Year in 2012 at the end of the year. And since I am I decided to say fuck it. Tell the goddamn truth and call a spade a spade.
I REALLY wanted to get that “Officially 30 Years” thing on my business name but it doesn’t look like my friggin health is going to hold out that long. No applause, jeers or hoots please-I’m still pretty sensitive about the entire goddamned mess. How dare my body let me down after all of the abuse I subjected it to over the years. (lol?!) The drinking, drug abuse, 3 pack a day cigarette habit, fast food, fried foods, no sleep, couple of bullet holes, stabbings, brain surgery, etc, has taken its toll.
I’m scared to friggin death too when I picture ME (former super athlete) looking like Stephen fucking Hawkins. No offense to Steve (you the man baby I LOVE your work!) I HAD hoped to make more serious Theosophical contributions to the world before I moved on from this one darn it….I thought “SOCIAL COUNTERPOINT” (my term: Conscious evolution of groups of people moving towards a subconscious destination independently of one another but in harmony that brings unification and higher understanding individually from pursuing their interests anonymously) was going so well for the business. Maybe next lifetime. Ooh, that had a sound of finality to it. I’m not out of it quite yet~
3-19-11 update: Truth is, I came back to erase all of this tasteless, personal crap I wrote at 5:30 am on a particularly rough night. I forced myself to wait it out at least 24 hours and live with the consequences because I refuse to surrender to fear. Felt like pulling a tooth. I’m such a control freak about my personal life that it kept me awake for 2 days! Here we are and I’m leaving it up. Its been cathartic. Believe me, I’ve had a dozen angry, hurtful, disappointing reasons to blow my top and erase all of this BUT, in spite of those valid reasons I’ve also found myself to be somewhat happier the last few days. Free. It stays another day.
On the road this morning driving home looking at road signs. I love road signs. (Used cows for sale! See Rock City! That “Thou Shalt Not Kill Thing? I Meant That….GOD”-thats good too) I love advertising. I LOVE marketing. It’s the ultimate control. Really.
I plan website/Internet trends 5-7 years in advance, date it, write them on permanent boards, hang them up in my house so I’m accountable for them and watch them unfold. Day by day. Year after year. IT IS the ultimate control. Influencing 1,966,514,816 Internet Users. Who wouldn’t get major wood from that? 6,845,609,960 people in the world…..and I PLAN search trends/search terms that all of these sheep will be typing in and they don’t have a clue that I planned WHAT THEY WOULD BE SEARCHING FOR YEARS IN ADVANCE. I’m a people person and its a gift. Inherited it from my old man. But I perfected it light years beyond him. He’d tell you the same thing.
** Like it or not, PEOPLE ARE FOLLOWERS. Like it or not, TIME IS HAVING ITS WAY WITH YOU. Like it or not, You’ll eventually be searching for what I ALREADY DECIDED THAT YOU WOULD BE SEARCHING FOR. And I’ll already be there-Number One, because I planned for it, In Advance. It’s what I do for a living. Hey man, we aren’t special, ya know? We’re pretty damn predictable. Human….
Like it or not, I am manipulating You-NOT AGAINST YOUR WILL. Like it or not, we aren’t victims (of advertising)-WE’RE VOLUNTEERS. Like it or not-YOU’RE GETTING OLD. Get the point? <-Fact: It is what it is. And in time small Possibilities becomes high Probabilities. See, time is having its way with you whether you agree with it or not. And I Already Knew That About You. And a LOT of people resent it. THAT friend, is a fact. And it isn’t arrogance see, its just business. And Human Nature. THAT is a FACT. Talk with anyone that has/does work here and every single one of them that See YOU (meaning the same guy) for Years On End will tell you that I’m the smartest man they’ve ever known. That isn’t factual of course. It’s a personal statement of their beliefs. They happen to believe it because they witness it first hand, at will. Does that make me “smart”? I don’t think so. I think it simply makes me “capable”.
* People, as a whole, LOVE Bold Moves. (like a well executed basketball game!) But the other team sure as fuck hated it.…People, as a whole, Dislike Bold Statements (the “Future” MVP guy BEFORE he ACTUALLY SCORED THE POINTS). Because humans have a tendency to internalize bold statements and measure themselves against them. The weaker the personality the greater the vehemency, or dislike. The “prophet” is branded a heretic or “arrogant”. Get the point? Doesn’t change the truth though. In the end, the results are STILL the same. The heretic was right all along and eventually you ended up doing exactly what you REALLY HATED initially and now its commonplace. Agree? “Don’t spit into the wind, its just going to come right back and smack you in the mouth”.
* I took a big risk by sharing that stuff with you, ya know. People resist change. It’s our nature. It’s also a fact that change is inevitable. And everything changes, it evolves. People do not. INDIVIDUALS DO. “People”-as a whole, do not. Industries do. Business does not. INDIVIDUAL BUSINESSES DO, business as a whole does not. People are sheep. People are followers. YOU, as a person will evolve and do and believe things differently. In time. PEOPLE will not. In time, the entire group will all evolve INDIVIDUALLY and As They Do They’ll All End Up In The Exact Same Darn Place. Eventually. I fucking LOVE that. And if you are/were my competition, you probably resented that about me. No fault of mine. You could’ve chosen to allow yourself to admire my work and benefit from it all along. You could’ve jumped on the band wagon and ended up where you were going to (IF you were going in the right direction) a lot less painfully. For free.
* Now, I’m REALLY going to reveal myself. Reading that stuff above, IF you didn’t know me, you may think that I’m an arrogant s.o.b. by making those statements/claims. If you didn’t know me. If you did/do, then you know that I’m telling you the truth. The gospel. The facts. You know it if you know me or do business with me because I’m that kind of guy. I’m consistent about it too.
If you know me personally then you know that I have all of these chalk boards around with EXACTLY these predictions, with dates, with search terms, with formulas and numbers and social groups and prices and search terms, etc, years in advance. My personal obsession. Just planning for the next juncture of business. Learning everything that I can about the human condition. The crossroads that we’re going to come to-the crosses that we all have to bear and the best way to get through them. Its my job,
I do it every day. And when you get there you always see that I’m already there ahead of you with this business and everyone else in the USA catches on and eventually catches up but I’ve already moved on to the next step.
It isn’t arrogant, its simply a fact. Ask anyone who’s ever worked here, done business with me or seen any of my people and you’ll hear exactly these things. See? It isn’t arrogance-its simply The Facts. People like to use facts to Support Their Beliefs but rarely concede to the truth about themselves. It isn’t pretty enough. It goes against their egos. It May Mean that they won’t get what they want if they concede to the truth. Pity too. That’s the doorway to freedom if you didn’t know that yet. I promise you. …..thats why I’m able to do this escort stuff so easy.
People aren’t necessarily dishonest, but they are pretty fucking blind to the truth about themselves-FOR THE MOST PART. Knowing that is what Makes It/Them/The Business and The Future So Predictable. THAT IS A FACT brother.
See, it is not arrogance. It’s simply confidence and self assuredness because I have so much Practice at it. It’s what I do for a living after all. Surely you would want your Doctor to be that adept wouldn’t you? Or your mechanic? Dentist? Psychologist? Psychiatrist? Sociologist? Pastor? Well? Get the point. SOMEONE IS THE BEST. And in time someone else will be. That’s a fact.
This is also a fact: If theres some thing about Humanity, the Universe, God, the Human Condition, some Universal Truth, some equation for Ultimate Success in life or business-IT IS A FACT that I will pursue it headlong and apply it in my life, my business and my relationships. I will discontinue the former limiting hanits/beliefs IMMEDIATELY and move forward with the new ones. Thats a fact.
And if YOU AREN’T, you’re going to miss out and lose out ultimately and everyone else who is will be there waiting for you. And if you never make it, they’ll continue on just fine without you or me because we weren’t Put Here for Anyone In Particular brother, (that implies an unjust/prejudice God/Creator) we’re put here for Everyone In General. FACT. Now where in the world did I learn that? Jesus said it first (in his language) but just life really. Loss and self pity and hitting a pain threshhold (recently for some of these things). Once I let go of some shit-THIS is what came through.
My partner and I do this stuff everyday and we’ve been doing it together this entire Century. Thats funny. Been using these businesses awhile have you? Then you already know it for fact and no further authentication is necessary.
* Fact: A Mother FUCKING FACT as a matter of fact: I had to “dummy it down” for years. Wow. Yeah. That IS a wow moment.
I had to because I felt so uncomfortable man. It made me terribly uncomfortable in my own skin because my peers in this business absolutely hated me. Even my co-workers. I actually felt guilty about a lot of that shit and I definitely had no business taking responsibility for Other peoples bullshit but in a sense I sure did by “dummying up”. I’m pretty sure that I just wanted to fit in somewhere and not feel so ostracized. Now isn’t that just a bitch?
Can YOU imagine having a kid for example, yours, that had to “dummy down” just to fit in? If it was a child of yours-or mine- you’d be downright offended wouldn’t you and have no choice but to look down on the others inferiority complexes? I would. And I did for years. It is precisely for those reasons that I work so intensely with these young women to assist them in achieving higher purposes and a greater sense of themselves. I do my best to usher them along in finding their “better selves” and overcoming the fucked up bullshit that SOCIETY and men saddle/chain them to. I hate that shit and I REALLY hate the volunteers that do it to themselves and do their best to pull other down into their pit of bullshit even more. I have ZERO RESPECT for a goddamn loser.
I quit “dummying down” publicly about a year ago and I am so goddamn glad man. I feel more separated from “you guys” than I ever did but a lot more secure about my capabilities than I ever have. And a lot more ASSURED of my contributions too. The business, humanity, empowerment to women, equal rights, sociologically, the whole none yards.
Back to the present: I was on the road looking at road signs this morning and having a darn good time with it too. I do not know why. Everything looked cool and I was F-L-Y-I-N-G man. Not a cop in sight. 90-120 mph all the way and didn’t have a care in the world. Now shit, what the hell is going on with this and how do I repeat it? I wondered HARD on that one. I listened to dumbdumb music too. Sissy stuff and all. Laughed my butt off in there, all by my lonesome. And enjoyed the trip….
I thought about my old friend Ray driving home & it shook me up for a bit but I stayed my happy self all of the way home anyway.
I think its an interesting story:
We both “got sober” at the same place. I got it about a year into it and he didn’t. I got sober and went to on to prison (the willingness to accept/taking responsibility for my “condition”/consequences is what FIXED that condition btw) as a young man in sobriety to get it over with and get on with life…and thankfully I’d found this “God thing” before I went. Years later after I was released my boy and I become re-acquainted in KY. I had remained sober and he hadn’t. He phones one day pretty distraught asking for my help.
He has a terminal illness (2) and less than a year to live and wants to die sober. Do the amends thing, put his conscience to rest and “get right”. I agreed to help and bless his heart he did just that. Sure changed Me. Poor guy died at my house on a beautifully sunlit morning in spite of mouth to mouth and I thought it was the most awful thing in the world because he was only 33 and I Really Could do anything I put my mind to. But not that. Impacted me pretty harshly too. I’d never been close to anyone and it was worse in sobriety because you feel EVERYTHING so intensely.
I moped around for months, isolated myself and became a work-a-holic for safety and generally just a miserable wreck. And in nearly an instant it changed. My Father called (very out of character) just to say how good he thought it was that Ray had died at home, happy and sober in a safe environment rather than alone in some cold indifferent hospital and how he hopes that its that way for him too. You know, that completely changed how I looked at it and I brightened up immediately and I’ve viewed it that way ever since. A blessing.
For months I was miserable over failing and letting this poor human being die because I REALLY believed I could help him. It didn’t occur to me then that I wasn’t there to keep someone alive. Not my job. My “job” (my commitment) was to simply assist him in achieving sobriety, getting him through the steps, and dying sober. Some quality of life while he WAS here.
Along the way he became really happy and we had a great time of it for 10 months. His death was quite sudden and he appeared to be getting better so I really thought that we had beaten the goddamned thing. He was so energetic that last week and the reality of him having 2 terminal illnesses wasn’t even a reality by the time he did pass.
THATS what was on my mind this morning driving to goofy music. I was wondering about how much better I felt the last two days and it just popped in my head about Ray being the exact same way before he keeled over. SHIT! About pissed myself. Driving really fast. I was shocked. I was actually looking around for some dark grim reaper looking figure behind the car. Maybe I was looking for cops in the rear view. I dunno but it scared the holy bejeesus outa me. Then I wasn’t. Simple as that. It turns out funny though.
I was so shaken by that motherfucking SCARY ass image of a grim reaper surreptitiously reaching into my speeding car and killing me right there in that instance (ever see the movie “The Frighteners” with Michael J. Fox?) that I swerved off the road onto an exit at the last possible second and hit a CROWDED truck stop. I REALLY DID almost piss myself….I took the exit at the last possible second too man-WAY to fast (120) and didn’t actually stop at the end there and shot over into the truck stop parking lot- WAY TO FAST- so now everyone in the darn lot is looking at me like (with what I thought was an absolute look of horror) a stupid redneck and the stereo is as loud as it will go. Nice picture, huh?
* I instantly had a vision of throngs of children screaming and running behind their Mothers and the shrieking Mothers desperately scrambling to hide from the inevitable red death sliding into the truck stop. (no funning here-thats for real too).
I’m so shaken and have to pee so bad that all I can do is stumble out of the car holding my johnson because I can’t hold my pee for long periods of time anymore and bolting for the goddamn door, right? And falling… Of course God Thanks for letting me look even more like the village fucking idiot. So now it probably looks like the old bastard has diarrhea and isn’t going to make it and suddenly the parking lot spectacle all makes perfect sense to everyone watching, and, well, in retrospect, I think I’m probably forgiven for being an unemployed redneck nascar dropout at that point.
And the fun just keeps on coming. After busting my ass right at the front fucking doors theres a group of kids standing just inside looking at the me completely speechless because I’m cursing like an old whore with crabs (and not being at all quiet about it). Still with the death grip on my johnson for some reason. Little fuckers wouldn’t even hold the door open for me. I’m pushing like hercules On The Wrong Side Of The Goddamn Door trying to just get the friggin thing open, get in there and PEE. All I want to do is PEE goddamnit. Help Me or something. It had to be an unsettling scene to the onlookers all in all.
And it keeps on coming. By the way, I’m not scared anymore at that point. I HAVE TO PEE. And I’m desperate as all hell to do it. I think the whole thing just really got to me and I was feeling helpless or something and it showed. Believe me, everyone got the hell out of my way by that point. Bet it looked just like Moses parting the redneck sea.
By now I’m limping, lurching forward, holding my johnson and hating life. That goddamn bathroom sign looked like it was a country mile away and I was certain that I wouldn’t make it. Shew. I made it! Wrong goddamn bathroom. What in the hell are they doing putting the womens bathroom first anyway? Its a goddamn TRUCK STOP for Christs sake. Not only am I going to pee on myself, I can’t drive for shit, open doors the right way and I apparently have difficulty walking…but now I’m a pervert too. Great.
A well intentioned guy very casually says this one. “You got the wrong one there buddy. Ours is down there. haha. I know how you feel. When you gotta go you GOTTA GO. Don’t feel bad. I do it all the time. Coffee.” I am speechless and I feel completely pathetic.
MENS ROOM! I never let go of my sidekick through the entire debacle either. I ran at that urinal with my dick in my hand like a 15 year old getting his first piece (or somewhat like them black boys used to do in the joint at the weak white boys in the shower when they were all lathered up with soapy shampoo! haha. Ooh, yuck, sorry to digress).
There’s more but I’m pooped out. (no pun). My zipper broke-SWEAR TO JESUS. So there is more to the story. But it DID turn out funny. But not at the time. SO maybe we’ll all look back on our nonsense and laugh at it. Possibly. Probably.
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